Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
