Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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