'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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