hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
