He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
