Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
