white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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