come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
