So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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