Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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