Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
