I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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