Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
