I skipped work to stalk him.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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