I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
