I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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