god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
