Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
