I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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