im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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