btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
