Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize