I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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