I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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