who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
