i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
