i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
