Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
