Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
