I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
