I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
