WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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