i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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