She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
