I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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