I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
