Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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