Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
