I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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