Just took my morning after pill in the library
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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