I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
