My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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