You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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