Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
