There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
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... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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