using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
