She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
