have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
