the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
