I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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