Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I stole a fireplace last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
