somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Don't tell me you're on acid again
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
