Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
