NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
