Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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