the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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