the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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