I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Randomize
