why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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