he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
