Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
