I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
