She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
