So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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