She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
